I do not live in a sitcom!

RAWR!  Dammit.  I want my mom to stop badgering me about calling.  I'm alive, I swear.  Please don't make me live in an episode of some sitcom or the "Call your Mother" song in Rent.  Please please.  Grr.  If something is wrong, I will call.  If I am dead, they will be notified.  If there is nothing worthwhile, I won't call.

For the love of... whatever deity and all things holy. 

Damn. Enough whining.